You ain't NEVER had a friend like me.

Over the past 3 weeks, I have been in a time of fasting and prayer. I decided since I was focusing on God, it would also be a good time to hop over the theater and see Season 5 of The Chosen series which got me thinking maybe too much about Judas.

In turn all this thinking about Judas had me pondering the prevalent nature of just general belief that somehow Jesus and or God is some how just a genie in a bottle, here at our disposal and pleasure…instead of the other way around. We are all guilty of THAT prayer. You know the one: God, if you will just do this for me then I will do that for you. It’s as if we believe there is some kind of magic prayer equation. We have a tit for tat mentality.

When my son was a toddler, he swallowed most of a bottle of prenatal vitamins. When I called poison control, I quickly found out to my surprise that prenatal vitamins are one of the top overdosing substances for young children and that I need to get my son to the hospital immediately. The staff wasted no time once we arrived at the emergency room. No waiting on paperwork. Just straight back to triage. They asked me if I could hold my son down or if they needed to place him in a straitjacket while they pumped his stomach. I elected to hold him myself hoping that it would somehow be less traumatic.

I laid my body across his and spoke softly into his ear, describing what was going to happen. I assured him as his Momma that I had him. I promised everything was going to be okay if we let the doctors do what they needed to make him better. He stayed remarkably calm though tears out of his bright blue eyes and across his beautiful little face. I watched as the green coating of the vitamins came up through the tube. After the procedure, the doctor said in a hushed voice as Keller was still in my arms and almost sleeping that they were not able to recover the pills from his stomach. The next step would be an x-ray to see more clearly what they were dealing with, but I need to understand that if as many pills as expected were in his stomach, he would not make 24 hours.

Finally asleep, I asked a nurse to stay by Keller’s side for just a moment so that I could walk to the waiting room and update my mother. As I walked the corridor, I started to bargain with God, but a reminder of sermon preached by John Hagee just a few weeks previously came flooding into my mind and stopped that prayer and replaced it with praise. Instead, I spoke to my Abba as His child and told Him that I loved Him. I thanked Him for my sweet, funny, toe-headed, chubby cheeked, Momma’s boy. I let Him know that if 3 years was all the time I had with Keller, I knew He could make that enough and that I would not become bitter.

My mother had Pastor Hagee on the phone asking him to prayer when I entered the waiting room. She handed me the phone and Pastor Hagee told me that when he was a child, he swallowed rat poison. His mother prayed a prayer of thanksgiving but demanded the life of her child be saved because she KNEW God had great plans for his life. Pastor Hagee then prayed similarly with me, and I listened as tears fell and snot ran. A peace came over me as I handed the phone back to my Mom, hugged her and began to walk back to my son.

The nurse woke him to take him to x-ray as soon as I entered the doorway. I had to wait outside, of course, but the nurse went in with him. A few minutes later, she burst through the door laughing and crying herself. She folded me up in a hug and screamed, there are no pills in his stomach! NONE! Not one! We all saw the coating, so we know he swallowed them but your son, he has been healed. I am gobsmacked as the doctor walks calmly my direction. He takes my hand and says, young lady, do you believe in Jesus. I shook my head yes and he continued, well then, you need to praise Him because tonight He for the second time gave your son life. He gave me a quick hug and walked away.

The nurse took Keller and I back to the treatment room. We had to wait another few hours before he could be released as was the protocol for overdoses. I called my mother sprang the good news and told her to get her butt back here and hug her grandbaby.

I know mothers who were not granted the mercy of their sons surviving their accidents. Some have indeed recovered, and others continue to grow in bitterness. A few angry mothers have shared with me that they too prayed that prayer asking God to bargain but their prayer went unanswered and now they blame God, but God is not a genie in a bottle waiting to grant our wishes and desires no matter how noble.

I believe Judas was frustrated with Jesus. Though not explicitly called a zealot in scripture, I think Judas was looking for Jesus to be the conquering messiah of Daniel instead of the Lamb of God of Isaiah sent as a sacrifice for our sins. He wasn’t the only one feeling this way, of that we can be sure as the Jews were captive to Rome and oppressed. We, like the Jews of first century Israel, all just want to be free…don’t we? No one enjoys oppression. Rules are one thing, and most are good and for our protection, generally but persecution, suppression and subjugation are something else altogether. I do not know a single person who wants to be punished simply for being themselves or made to be slaves because someone dominated them (could be at work or in marriage).

Jesus told His disciples that He was here to fulfill the law and to bring salvation:

Matthew 5:17: Do not think that I came to abolish the Torah or the Prophets! I did not come to abolish, but to fulfill.

Luke 19:10: For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.

John 3:16-17: For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life. God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him.

Judas was a friend of Jesus. They had an intimate relationship. Closer than family. He walked with him daily. Spoke with him daily. Slept where he slept. Heard every sermon. Saw every sign. He believed Jesus WAS Messiah. And yet, for a few months’ wages, Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss. Why?

Judas was not the first to betray God. There was another even before time began, Hêlêl ben Šāḥar otherwise known as Lucifer to you and me. Isaiah 14:12-15 and Ezekiel 28:12-18 describe his fall from Heavan like this:

How you have fallen from heaven, O brighstar, son of the dawn! How you are cut down to the earth, you who made the nations prostrate! You said in your heart: “I will ascend to heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God. I will sit upon the mount of meeting, in the uttermost parts of the north. I will ascend above the high places of the clouds—I will make myself like Elyon.” Yet you will be brought down to Sheol, to the lowest parts of the Pit.

You were the seal of perfection, full of wisdom and perfect in beauty. You were in Eden, the garden of God. Every precious stone was your covering—ruby, topaz and diamond, beryl, onyx and jasper, sapphire, turquoise and emerald—your settings and your sockets a workmanship of gold—in the day you were created they were prepared. You were an anointed guardian cheruv (cherubim). I placed you on the holy mountain of God. You walked among stones of fire. You were perfect in your ways from the day that you were created, until unrighteousness was found in you. By the abundance of your trade they filled you within with violence. So you have sinned. So I threw you out as a profane thing from the mountain of God. I made you vanish, guardian cheruv, from among the stones of fire.

Your heart was exalted because of your beauty. You corrupted your wisdom because of your splendor. I threw you down to the earth. Before kings I set you up as a spectacle. By the multitude of your iniquities, in the injustice of your trade, you profaned your sanctuaries. So I brought fire out from within you, and it has consumed you. I have turned you to ashes on the earth in the eyes of all who saw you.

Pride is clearly evident in the scripture above and we all know it goes before the fall. Oxford defines pride as a feeling of deep pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements, the achievements of those with whom one is closely associated, or from qualities or possessions that are widely admired. Secondarily it is further described as consciousness of one's own dignity. The Bible says pride goes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall (Proverbs 16:18) and goes on to tell us in James 4:6 God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.

So perhaps what we see in Judas is a proud Jew, excited to be in the core group near the Messiah and ushering in a new golden age of the reestablish Kingdoms of Israel and Judah by overthrowing Rome. From his advantage, he was at the epicenter of it all with the Mashiach or King Messiah as his bestie. Hard not to be proud if you weren’t closely listening to who Jesus was meant to be at that time per the will of His Father. So when who Jesus is was not aligning with what Judas wanted Him to be most people and theologians alike agree that he became disillusioned with the situation and decided to try to jump start the process by forcing His hand and making Him show Himself as King. It could also be that Judas fully understood who Jesus was and just decided to reject Him and in some sort of retaliatory act turned Him over to Caisphas. No one truly knows what was in Judas’ heart when he decided to betray Jesus but the decision to do so did not sit well with him in the end. Matthew 27 says in verse 3 that Judas felt remorse, knew he had betrayed someone who was innocent of any wrongdoing and tried to return the money. Judas never gave himself the chance to be forgiven and verse 5 tells us he committed suicide by hanging.

We all sin. So, what is the difference between Lucifer and Judas versus David or you or me? A contrite heart. Psalm 51:19 says a broken and a contrite heart, O God, You will not despise.  If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness (I John 1:19). God said King David was a man after His own heart (1 Samuel 12:14 and Acts 13:22) because when his sin was pointed out to him, David was always contrite and repentant.

I was telling a friend this week who said she did not particularly like the story of Jesus because it was hard…that for whatever reason, we struggle with the gift of God’s Love and our salvation through Jesus. We wanted it to be harder and so we make up stupid rules, exclude people from it and then act like spoiled children when things don’t go our way. Truth is loving God with all your heart, soul, mind and spirit plus loving your neighbor as yourself isn’t an easy thing to do but accepting Jesus as Messiah and Savior is. It is just yes and thank you.

50 years of faith has taught me that Jesus, God and the Holy Spirit are not and never will be a genie in a bottle, but they will always be present. They have good plans for me even though they never tell me what the heck is really going on or do anything the way I think it should be done. They love me unconditionally and they never fail. If they make a promise they keep it. So in the end, you ain’t never had a friend like me is more attributable to the Trinity than the Genie in Aladdin.