The struggle is real.

It’s been awhile since I have taken time to be quiet enough to put my hands to the keyboard and allow Him to flow through me in this way. I have been too wrapped up in my own self to slow down and really breathe like this…to soak Him and hear Him down deep, soul deep.

Noise is my adversary when it comes to hearing His voice and the world is full of noise. If you learn how to block out the noise and hear Him still, the decimal level continues to grow until you… I become too distracted once again. If I don’t succumb to the “good” time, the bad will come. If I fight to ward off the bad, a battle will arise. Anything to keep me wound up. Keep it loud. Keep me from hearing. Rob my peace.

My mind rolls with thoughts of this and now that and oh crap…this is even worse…where is this all coming from? Until I find myself downtrodden asking where this attack is coming from because I was good, wasn’t I? I was reading and praying and worshiping. I was serving and loving and helping. But I am alone. I feel without Him though He promised He’d never leave or forsake me (Deuteronomy 31:6). The lie I most often fall prey to is that I am alone. Isolation is a power weapon.

I open my Bible, read the verse again to remind myself of His promise and find I’ve forgotten part of the equation to be strong and courageous; do not be afraid. It occurs to me now that I’ve fallen right back into the same old trap of satan’s lies and betrayal. Forgotten again the truth. When will I stop believing I am anything less than what He, as my Creator, says that I am? When will I finally learn to block out the noise and know my worth?

I forget regularly that He see me. It is so much easier for me to believe He sees everyone else and somehow passes right over me. Forgets me. Out of the blue, a dear friend texts me a Word God has had chosen for me because He loves me, and He sees.

Without delay, my voice reaches Your ears.

In an instant, You hear me.

Immediately, You answer me!

Before my spirit has time to falter, Your brilliant countenance flashes before me.

You show Your face compassionately to me.

You whisper softly to me, speaking only of Your tenderness, kindness, faithfulness, mercy and favor-

Such are Your encouragements to me.

It is this PERFECT LOVE and high regard You have for me that causes me to trust YOU –

utterly, completely and securely.

My spirit, once downcast, is carefree and bold again.

You deliver me.

Snatching me away from destruction.

Plundering the very ones who intended harm toward me.

Your heart and breath revive me. You overwhelm me with Your love.

I open my Bible again, this time to the scripture referenced in the decree above, Psalm 143:7-9 (TPT):

Lord, come quickly and answer me, for my depression deepens and I’m about to give up.
Don’t leave me now or I’ll die!
Let the dawning day bring me revelation of your tender, unfailing love.
Give me light for my path and teach me, for I trust in you.
Save me from all my enemies, for I hide myself in you.

I read it again, this time in The Voice translation:

Hurry and answer me, O Eternal One, for my spirit is weak, my courage is gone.
Do not turn away; let me see Your face; otherwise, I’ll die and be like all those who have gone to the grave.
Make me hear of Your faithful love in the morning, for I trust in You.
Teach me how I should walk, for I offer my soul up to You.

Rescue me from my enemies, Eternal One, for You are my shelter from them.

I read the whole chapter now because I know there is something; something I need to gleam here… then I stumble over that thing that finally makes me breathe easier: I fix my mind on all You have done (v5). I read it again: I fix my mind on all You have done. And again: I fix my mind on all You have done. I bow my head and I let the truth of that wash over me, bringing to my mind creation, salvation, resurrection, healing, mercy, grace…unconditional LOVE. Inside myself I see the light ignite, my heart begins to heal, my spirit lifts and I can breathe deeply once again.

I can be quiet now. My mind still. I can know that you are Lord. You remind me of Romans 8:31: So what should we say about all of this? If God is on our side, then tell me: whom should we fear? I scan down further to verses 37-39 and find yet more reassurance: But no matter what comes, we will always taste victory through Him who loved us. For I have every confidence that nothing—not death, life, heavenly messengers, dark spirits, the present, the future, spiritual powers, height, depth, nor any created thing—can come between us and the love of God revealed in the Anointed, Jesus our Lord.

The only thing that comes between me and the love of God is me. That is the truth. I go back to Psalm 143 and pray over myself verse 10: Teach me how to do Your will, for You are my God. Allow Your good Spirit to guide me on level ground, to guide me along Your path. This is my submission, my worship…to put my fingers to my keyboard and be honest, be bold.