Can you let God be God and worship Him still…?

All our lives are filled with ups and downs. Each of us has burdens to bear and paths to walk…some harder than others. I have a dear friend who was diagnosed with stage four cancer almost five years ago: lung, brain, liver and bone. She has attacked this cancer diagnosis with a ferocity that is uniquely her through faith, food, medicine, supplements and yoga.

We went to high school together. She was friends first with my youngest sister but as we grew up, our lives followed a similar path, single mother. She lost her mother to breast cancer shortly after she graduated high school. Her father moved away and married again. Her aunt, executor of her mother’s will, misappropriated the money her mother had left behind to help her children attend college and begin “adult” lives. She never became bitter. She just worked harder.

She worked her way into a good job, making good money. She worked her way into a happy relationship with a ring on her finger. She worked her way into a nice house filled with a healthy, vibrant son. She worked her way into a good life, filled with good people whom she loved. American dream and all that.

When her son was nine, she took a trip down to the coast of Texas to spend the day with her fiancé, some friends and her son. She had managed to maintain a friendship with the father of her child. He was there too and they all enjoyed a day in the boat on the salt water. The father decided to leave early and left his son behind to finish enjoying the day with his mother and their friends not knowing that when it came time for boat to be pulled out of the water, to be loaded onto the trailer and hauled a short few blocks home, their son would fall and boat on the trailer would unknowingly run over him causing a lung to collapse and his skull to be cracked and his brain to be injured.

He was airlifted to a Corpus Christi hospital and to be honest, I can no longer remember how long he was in intensive care, but that hospital became her home for the next year. She watched her son fight for his right to breathe and live and she watched as the little boy she had given life to become a very different child. Friends rallied at first but as time wore on, she found very few could endure. She and the father were both understandably, angry. Though I walked with her through this time, I still cannot fathom the pain, hurt and anger at the situation…the hand she was dealt.

She is a very strong, very intelligent, very persistent woman and she tackled the issues facing her son head on… in a very HER way. When we were young, she was THAT friend that was so loyal she was ready at all times to do battle on your behalf. If someone looked at you wrong, she was the girl shouting: “hey bubba; wanna take this outside where I can teach you some manners?” She was always the available shoulder to cry on that would give you comfort food, then smack your ass and say okay, not let’s get back out there.

During this time, she did not just lose who her son had been before the accident. She lost her finance, her job, her house, her friendship with the father, many friends and her freedom but she never let that stop her. She continued to fight and provide for her son. She never just took a diagnosis as gospel. She researched and taught herself all there was to know about the challenges he faces. In fact, she’s become such an expert, she has been asked on many occasions to advocate for other children. Doctors and nurses not up to snuff, fear and respect her. She has always been fierce but now she is a force to be reckoned with as the fight within her fueled her to always push every boundary for the betterment of her son.

When she was diagnosed herself, I feared the anger that had subsided would again, rear its head but instead, she changed. Always a believer, she was now in a position of no longer be capable of handling all this on her own. I watched as every shackle began to fall away, and she began to rely fully on Him. Now, I need you to understand, her faith was already stronger than most people you and I know. God had been making a way and her ends meet since her son’s accident. But a heart that had been filled with struggle was being transformed to a heart filled with love. Some might disagree with me because as I said before, she is strong willed and fierce, always willing to go toe to toe with anyone bringing negativity into her world but as she came to the end of herself, she found a strength that is only Him.

Everyday isn’t perfect. She loses her temper with certain situations. She struggles to trust people. I am not claiming she is angelic or without fault or flaw but what I am saying is that none of this…NONE of it, has kept her from believing in both her son’s healing and her own. None of it has stopped her from trying to help others less fortunate around her. None of it has robbed her of her the fight or faith within her. Instead all of it has molded her into a warrior that searched every nook and cranny of both the physical and spiritual world for His answers for her life. She has not been broken. She hasn’t been defeated. She hasn’t given up. She has been bolstered by an unwavering truth that God is God and she will worship Him still.

Whatever you are facing today…whatever attack you are under…are you able let God be God and worship Him still? Can you be like Job: “Look, He may well kill me, but I will hope in Him. Still I will be ready to argue my case before His very face. In fact, this will become my salvation, for the godless wouldn’t even dare to approach Him (Job 13:15-16).” In your darkest hour, can you put your pride down, your doubt, fear, anxiety, issues of worth, your disappointment and worry…can you lay those at His feet and say, “I will praise God for as long as I live. I will sing praises to my God as long as breath fills my lungs and blood flows through my veins. (Psalm 146:2)”?

Nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:38-39) but praise and worship can separate us from what ails us. He inhabits the praises of His people (Psalm 22:3). Hence when we worship, we are in His presence and in His presence is the fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11). God is love (I John 4:8) and perfect love which He is, cast out fear (I John 4:18). My friend has no fear. She doesn’t want you thinking or saying or believing God can’t do His work in and through her. In fact, she will remove herself from anyone that doesn’t believe this along side her.  I thank her for the example of hope she is to me and others around her, running life’s marathon race with passion and determination, for the path has been already marked out before us (Hebrews 12:1).

She’s always reminded me of Winston Churchill. Here are a few of his quotes to inspire both me and you:

•  If you’re going through hell, keep going.
• You have enemies? Good. That means you’ve stood up for something, sometime in your life.
• To improve is to change, so to be perfect is to have changed often.
• Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
•  Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense.
• Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

I never did mind about the little things...

It always sort of weirds me out when what is swimming around in my mind, manifests itself out of one of my pastors’ mouths.  God often used this tactic to confirm streams of thought to me … or rather its direction.  My mind is one that likes to muddle through what I see going on in and around my life to try to decipher a pattern or a path because once I can see choices, I can discern outcomes.

This spiritual gift is why God often choose to leave me in the dark when it comes to my own shit. It frustrates me. Leaves me feeling lost, alone and forgotten … that is until I realize that it is a self-inflicted loneliness and I shake it off, understanding once again that He is asking me to walk by faith not by sight: for we live by faith, not by what we see with our eyes (2 Corinthians 5:7).

Last night at Bible study, Jacob Diaz was speaking to us about submission. Often when pondering what it truly means to submit to the will of God, I find myself singing Keith Green’s: To Obey is Better than Sacrifice. Heavy words…to obey is better than sacrifice. I want more than Sunday and Wednesday nights…cause if you can't come to Me every day then don't bother coming at all. To obey is better than sacrifice, I want hearts of fire not your prayers of ice and I'm coming quickly to give back to you according to what you have done.

I have found that it is in submitting the small things that He really begins to lead my life. It is much easier to say yes to being obedient the big things because we see those things as a calling; than it is to tell the person who is pissing you off, I love you anyway. BUT it is our submission in these little things that show Him we are willing to be obedient and capable of being trusted.

Surrendering our will for His, has for me been the hardest struggle throughout my walk of faith. I really like empirical evidence. I like knowing where I am going and what the outcome will be. I enjoy those relationships most where the other person says I love you too or lets me know I am needed and wanted. Sometimes, I feel like I had better faith when I was younger but in truth, I only lack real faith in one area and it is in this area that He requires me to walk by faith the most… OF FREAKING COURSE. I know when I stay surrender in my attitude and keep my heart vulnerable, I am happiest. When I begin to think too much about semantics, I get bogged down and when I get bogged down, I get unhappy and when I get unhappy, doubt sets in and then I feel alone. I feel alone because I took my eyes off Him. Our relationship, with Him, is the ONLY relationship we have where it is ABSOLUTELY okay to lose ourselves. Doing this is our worldly relationship causes codependency and heartache.

I suck at sitting still. Hence, He makes me sit still. He puts me in situations where it is necessary and others, where it needs to be my witness to help another. If I am not obedient, I cannot help. If I cannot help, then someone else might not get the exact help they need. PARADOX! The more mature my faith becomes, the less I want to rebel and say no to Him and the more aware I become of what that no might cost myself and others. I don’t always have the best attitude. Many times, my yes is more of a fine accompanied by rolling eyes and maybe a firm turn in His direction, but I go and willingly because I know His ways are higher. I don’t just read it in the Bible in Isaiah 55:8-9: My intentions are not always yours, and I do not go about things as you do. My thoughts and My ways are above and beyond you, just as heaven is far from your reach here on earth. I KNOW IT because time and time again when I push the outcome ranges from not so good to horrific BUT when I wait on Him, when I am still and KNOW He is God, things seem to just work themselves out in ways that I would have never imagine and generally if not always, for my benefit.

Give peace a chance...

I was married to an addict who would come in late and incoherent, sometimes passing out in our son’s bedroom. This frightened me because my ex-husband often would black out and my son was small being only 3-years old. I, of course, never shared this with my son or my daughter for that matter. They were much too young to carry the burden of their parents.

One afternoon, I was home alone with my son.  We were on the couch watching Nickelodeon…Blue’s Clues, Little Bear, etc. when he turned to me and grabbed my face. He kissed me and said, “Mama, you don’t have to worry about me. There is a giant lion outside my window. He keeps me safe.” I laughed, and we spoke about it a bit. I asked him if the lion was a girl or a boy and what color; about his roar. Then we slipped back into watching cartoons. I honestly, did not give it too much thought as children are often wildly creative when making up stories.

Soon after, my ex-husband and I decided it was time to part ways (a story for another time). My sister and her family lived across the street, so our children would often play together. About a week after my ex-husband’s departure, my nephew was over playing with my son. After snack time, he crawled up into my lap and asked me if I had ever seen the giant lion that was outside Keller’s window. He proceeded to tell me how big the lion was and that it was there to keep Keller safe.  He could see it from his bedroom window and would often hear him roar when Keller’s daddy would come home late at night. In that moment, it occurred to me that the lion would roar to keep my ex-husband from passing out on Keller’s bed; instead directing him to the other twin bed in the room.

Just because you don’t see Him protecting you, doesn’t mean He isn’t there.

Be strong and brave, and don’t tremble in fear of them, because the Eternal your God is going with you. He’ll never fail you or abandon you! Deuteronomy 31:6

But let them all be glad, those who turn aside to hide themselves in you. May they keep shouting for joy forever! Overshadow them in your presence as they sing and rejoice. Then every lover of your name will burst forth with endless joy. Psalm 5:11

What is the value of your soul to God? Could your worth be defined by an amount of money? God doesn’t abandon or forget even the small sparrow he has made. How then could he forget or abandon you? What about the seemingly minor issues of your life? Do they matter to God? Of course they do! So you never need to worry, for you are more valuable to God than anything else in this world. Luke 12:7

If your Spidy senses can’t detect His presence, don’t presume you are alone.  I wasn’t alone lying on the abortion table. I wasn’t alone in a loveless marriage. I wasn’t alone when my daughter left for college and never called her mother (wink, wink, tisk, tisk). I wasn’t alone when my mother had a quadruple bypass. I wasn’t alone when I ran out of gas and had no money to fill my tank. I wasn’t alone when I laid in the dark and screamed at Him for my life not being what I thought it would be at 45-years old, still single and struggling.

Who could ever separate us from the endless love of God’s Anointed One? Absolutely no one! For nothing in the universe has the power to diminish his love toward us. Troubles, pressures, and problems are unable to come between us and heaven’s love. What about persecutions, deprivations, dangers, and death threats? No, for they are all impotent to hinder omnipotent love, even though it is written: All day long we face death threats for your sake, God. We are considered to be nothing more than sheep to be slaughtered! Yet even in the midst of all these things, we triumph over them all, for God has made us to be more than conquerors, and his demonstrated love is our glorious victory over everything! So now I live with the confidence that there is nothing in the universe with the power to separate us from God’s love. I’m convinced that his love will triumph over death, life’s troubles, fallen angels, or dark rulers in the heavens. There is nothing in our present or future circumstances that can weaken his love. There is no power above us or beneath us—no power that could ever be found in the universe that can distance us from God’s passionate love, which is lavished upon us through our Lord Jesus, the Anointed One! Romans 8:35-39

We MUST learn to have faith if we are going to walk in it. Maturity in Christ requires us to quit relying on empirical evidence such as what our eyes can see or normative evidence, what our hearts feel but instead knowing who God is and what He has promised. He gives us things from the moment we accept Him as Savior: peace, love, forgiveness, mercy, grace but it is our responsibility to accept those gifts and apply them to our daily lives. It is a choice to love. It is a choice to be loved.  It is a choice to be at peace.

I am choosing peace though what my eyes see frightens me, though what my heart feels saddens me because He told me in John 14:27 that He left behind His peace for me…here on this earth.  His peace is perfect, as are all His gifts and with His peace, I don’t have to yield to fear or allow my heart to be troubled or anxious but instead I can be courageous…because I have a giant lion outside my window, protecting me as do you.