He doesn’t need your help…

Are you a planner? I am … not as bad as I used to be, but I still like a loose agenda.

There was a time in my life that I wanted everything scripted. Not sure if it was a want or a need but I do know that it made me feel: productive, safe, accomplished. Life often has a way of leading you down a winding road. More than not, I became irritated me when things did not follow the very straight and narrow plan that I had laid out. Finally, things went to hell in a hand basket … so I ran away.

When I was a senior in high school, I very much wanted to go away to college and thankfully for me my parents had the means to make that dream come true. I had a solid grade point average and good standardized test scores, so I could about go anywhere my heart desired. I applied all over the country from Syracuse to Lynchburg to Fort Collins. I wanted to go to college in a beautiful place in the great outdoors with trees and mountains, maybe some water. Somewhere very different from Texas; although I did apply and was accepted to Texas A&M which was my first in-state choice. Looking back, I kick myself for not applying to the University of Hawaii…d-u-m-b-a-s-s.

I settled on Colorado State in Fort Collins. I sent in my information, got my roommate assignment and was ready to go. My father had a hard time with the idea of my being so far away, but my mother was always supportive. My best friend and my boyfriend were both going to Texas Tech. That triangle of doom, all put the pressure on me to stay and go to Lubbock. I caved (because I was weak and stupid), applied late and followed them to Tech, sight unseen. Imagine my shock and eventual disappointment, understanding I had traded green, glorious Colorado mountains for West Texas sand.

I wasn’t totally unhappy with my decision though because I had friends. No starting over in a new place with new people. I had a built-in group with which to gallivant. Plus, when out of money, I could elect to drive the seven hours home and do laundry and eat for free.

What I didn’t know then that I do know now is that sometimes, fresh starts are necessary; needed like the air we breathe for God to have His way in us. Just I had my senior year, around my January birthday, I found myself pregnant. I chose, this time all by myself to have a second abortion. My grades dropped. I was put on academic probation. Since I did not like Lubbock and it wasn’t where I really wanted to be, I decided over the summer to formulate a new life plan. Right on time, a high school friend whom I hadn’t spoken to in the year since graduation, called from Steamboat Springs, Colorado. Her employer was looking for another nanny. This nanny job came with a guaranteed position with the ski corporation since she was the head of human resources. I went out for an interview and quite literally, did not come back.

I called my parents, told them I got the job and asked them to send my stuff. I loved it there for the moment I stepped off the airplane. It felt like home and to be honest, still when I find myself in Colorado, I get that homey feeling inside but the politics doesn’t agree with me as I have very much, become a Texan … squirrel! I strategized a new plan for staying in Colorado long term that included continuing to work as nanny plus for the ski corp, getting a Colorado driver’s license and becoming a legitimized citizen of state thereby earning myself and my parents the hefty savings of in-state tuition. Tada! But like an idiot when the ex-boyfriend came calling which he did because not only had I told him “no” but was now living in a completely kick ass place, I gave in and once again, God help me…pregnant.

I was not one of those women who always wanted to be a mom and hoped for the day I would find “the one” so I could settle down and have babies. I was the girl who thought after I establish myself in a career, I will find someone suitable and then have a baby or two IF I never had to give up what I had accomplished. But God has a VERY different plan and He used my sin, weakness and stupidity to achieve His goals for my life…mother. The irony, if you know me now is that I am not only mother to my own but mama to many and the Sunday morning God revealed His whole plan to me with regards to my role as mama resulted in a story that is beloved of my sweet, amazing little church in Boerne, Texas as it is a calling card of how we try to love one another there as a congregation but that is a story for another time…wink, wink.

I guess the point I am making here, hopefully is that God has a plan for us from the moment we were a twinkle in His eye… “Eternal One: Before I even formed you in your mother’s womb, I knew all about you. Before you drew your first breath, I had already chosen you to be My prophet to speak My word to the nations” Jeremiah 1:5 (The Voice). These words weren’t just for Jeremiah and God tells us again in Psalm 139:16, “You see all things; You saw me growing, changing in my mother’s womb; Every detail of my life was already written in Your book; You established the length of my life before I ever tasted the sweetness of it.”  “But God—who set me apart even before birth and called me by His grace—chose, to His great delight, to reveal His Son in me so I could tell His story among the outsider nations” Galatians 1:15-16.

While I believe His plan for all of us is the same: to find Him, get to know Him, fall in love with Him and then help others find their way to the same … no two of us have the same path, abilities and gifts. No two of us can have the same affect on the world. Each of us is unique, special, distinct; not unlike the snowflakes He creates each winter. I am a mother and hopefully becoming the writer He intends me to be; while you may cook, sing, organize or evangelize…so many, MANY other gifts and talents out there each needed to help satisfy His plan for not only your life but the World.

Every time… EVERY SINGLE TIME… I try to plan what I think my life should be, God reworks, reorganized or just plain demolishes my idea but I have finally come to understand the extremely unnerving truth of both Jeremiah 29:11 (look it up if you don’t know) but more importantly Isaiah 55:8-9 which says, “My intentions are not always yours, and I DO NOT GO ABOUT THINGS AS YOU DO. My thoughts and My ways are above and beyond you, just as heaven is far from your reach here on earth” (emphasis mine).

I do not have to chase after what I think I need: man, money, vacation but can relax back into Him knowing that He will provide what I need when I need it. Not always easy, I know but truth nonetheless. I pray that we come to know that we know that we KNOW, He doesn’t need our help because when we can finally, truly, wholly walk in that place, right there… ya know what’s lacking? Nada! We have no fear because we lack nothing as perseverance has done its work in us, molding into maturity and completeness in Him AND when you do not fear, Satan gets freaked out because you now accurately understand the power of the name above all names, Jesus.

I LOVE my babies and I would never take back a single thing, no matter how painful that lead me to becoming their mother. They are daily evidence of the grace God gave and continues to give me. My other sweetnesses (shut up, it is a word now LOL) …they allow me to continue to hope, grow, teach and learn. Each one of those girls without fail in very different ways, helps me learn how to love Him better and He in turn, teaches me how to love them more completely and that right there, puts all are feet on His solid ground.

My plan sucked but His left me with joy unspeakable and full of glory…

I don’t take chances… I take risks.

I grew listening to Abba. My mother is a fan and some of my fondest memories is of my sisters and I singing along to their songs while running errands or on road trips.  One of my favorites of their songs is Take a Chance on Me.  The lyrics go…take a chance on me, gonna do my very best and it ain't no lie, if you put me to the test, if you let me try. Nothing seemingly wrong with that message unless you happen to be the daughter of Candace Kruse. Long before Yoda, my Mama said: do or do not; there is no try.

The world is constantly telling us to take chance on something new: try a new career, try dating a new person, try a new look and so on. I am not afraid of change. In fact, generally, I welcome it because change is how we learn. New experiences teach us about God, ourselves, others and the world around us but isn’t there a better way than simply spinning the roulette wheel of life and hoping for a better outcome? Dating someone new isn’t going to help if the problem is really you. Same goes for a new job or career.

I propose we learn to take risks and not chances.

So, what is the difference between a chance and a risk? Webster defines chance as the occurrence and development of events in the absence of any obvious design. Whereas risk is defined as the possibility that something unpleasant or unwelcome will happen.  On the surface, taking a chance sounds better that taking a risk but read between the lines…one is absent of design.

God calls us regularly to take risks. He calls us into the deep water to renew and grow our faith. When thinking of risk taking in the Bible, the story that comes to my mind is The Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25:14-30.  Old school King James version refers to the money the rich man leaves his most trusted servants as talents. I know Jesus let us all hear the story using THAT word on purposely because He wants us to understand something very important when we read this passage: don’t misuse what I give you.  As our Creator, He has in fact made each one of us unique with our own talents and abilities, looks and laughs. You are the only you He made and only you can influence the specific people He has cross your path in the way that you can. Don’t get me wrong, He can use anybody to do anything as He is God, but He made us each special with a purpose all our own and He did this deliberately, proving our singular value to Him as our God.  He is GREAT like that!

Anyway, just in case you don’t know the story, here is my version of the events: rich dude needs to go out of town and he doesn’t want commerce to stop in his absence. He gathers up three of his most trusted servants, all of which have different gifts and abilities. He leaves them money to invest according to their talents. Each on receives a different amount.  The first guy doubles the amount left to him. Same goes for the second guy.  Third guy is gripped by the fear of failure, so he decides the safest course of action is to bury his in the ground where it will be safe until his master returns. Rich guy returns and calls his servants together to see how they’ve done since he was away. First guy reports he double the money. Again, same goes for the second guy. The Master’s response to them was: “well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord” (KJV). The third guy tells his Master: “Look, sir. I know that you are a hard man to please and you’re a shrewd and ruthless businessman who grows rich on the backs of others. I was afraid of you, so I went and hid your money and buried it in the ground. But here it is—take it, it’s yours” (TPT).  Now, here is where it gets hardcore…

Matthew 25: 26-30 “Angered by what he heard, the master said to him, ‘You’re an untrustworthy and lazy servant! If you knew I was a shrewd and ruthless business man who always makes a profit, why didn’t you deposit my money in the bank? Then I would have received it all back with interest when I returned. But because you were unfaithful, I will take the one thousand gold coins and give them to the one who has ten thousand. For the one who has will be given more, until he overflows with abundance. And the one with hardly anything, even what little he has will be taken from him. Then the master said to his other servants, Now, throw that good-for-nothing servant far away from me into the outer darkness, where there will be great misery and anguish!’” (TPT).

He isn’t calling us to take a chance. God ALWAYS has a plan.  His plans DO NOT FAIL. He is calling us to take a calculated risk…to trust Him. I don’t know about you, but I do not want to be removed from God into outer darkness in misery and anguish. 2 Timothy 1:7 (The Passion Translation) reminds us:  For God will never give you the spirit of fear, but the Holy Spirit who gives you mighty power, love, and self-control.  In John 14:27 Jesus himself tells us, “I leave the gift of peace with you—my peace. Not the kind of fragile peace given by the world, but my perfect peace. Don’t yield to fear or be troubled in your hearts—instead, be courageous! Romans 8:28 tells us: we are convinced that every detail of our lives is continually woven together to fit into God’s perfect plan of bringing good into our lives, for we are his lovers who have been called to fulfill his designed purpose. These words confirm to us that we do not need to fear taking any risk He calls us to because He gave us His peace via the Holy Spirit in us and He is always weaving together His perfect plan for our lives.

I wish had some pretty way to wrap this all up in a bow with a cherry and a smile but instead I am going to be real here for one moment…it doesn’t have to be a giant thing you do but do something. Don’t squander the talents He has given you. He has been very clear that burying them leads to anguish and misery. Something as small as a compliment, holding a hand or hugging a neck can be a powerful tool in hands moved by God. Just love somebody. That’s really all He is asking.