Better than He found you...

Job 42:10-17 …  The Eternal restored the fortunes of Job after he prayed for his friends; He even doubled the wealth he had before. All of his brothers and sisters, along with those he had known earlier, came and shared meals with him at his house. They sympathized with him and consoled him regarding the great distress the Eternal had brought on him. Each guest gave him a sum of money and each, a golden ring. The Eternal One blessed the last part of Job’s life even more than the first part. He went on to possess 14,000 sheep, 6,000 camels, 1,000 teams of oxen, and 1,000 female donkeys. He also fathered 7 more sons and 3 more daughters. He named his first daughter Jemimah, his second Keziah, and his third Keren-Happuch. Nowhere in all the land could one find women as captivatingly beautiful as Job’s daughters, or as independently wealthy: their father gave them each a share of the family inheritance along with their brothers. After all this, Job lived 140 years. He lived to see his children and their children and so on, to the fourth generation. Then Job died, old, and satisfied with his days.

Did you catch it? I’ve read this passage many, many times before and missed it…

He named his first daughter Jemimah, his second Keziah, and his third Keren-Happuch. Nowhere in all the land could one find women as captivatingly beautiful as Job’s daughters, or as independently wealthy: their father gave them each a share of the family inheritance along with their brothers.

This time it jumped off the page and me and screamed: look harder at me! If you know anything about the way things worked back in the Old Testament, you understand that it was the sons, not the daughters that were of importance. It is highly unusual to name the daughters and not the sons. I know the nudge of the Holy Spirit when He smacks me to attention. I reached out to two men (one is my pastor, the other my teacher) that might be able to quickly point me in the right direction; my pastor urged to me investigate the meaning of the daughters’ names. I did this immediately.

Jemimah

Arabic = little dove

Hebrew = she who is as beautiful as the sun or she who acts like the sea or a day that belongs to God or fortunate / handsome

Keziah

Cassia tree = sweet scented spice like cinnamon 

Ingredient of anointing oil; known as the fragrance of Christ

Derived from verb to scrape or cut off and noun set in corner of structure (border)

*it is done* = qasa = abrupt severing or ending

Person in position to make rules or decisions 

End of the tabernacle curtains

Keren-Happuch

To shine or be radiant like the moon

Bloom or shine

Also horn

Splendor of color

Horn of Antimony = eye paint

Right away I saw a correlation between their names and the Trinity. Jemimah means dove. The dove represents the Holy Spirit. Keziah, the cassia tree which actually means the fragrance of Chris, not a big leap here but Keren-Happuch didn’t fit the way my mind was rolling on this, but still I knew there was a personal message in all of this for me.

During the time I was researching the names, my teacher emailed me a study done on this exact passage. I opened it and read to find I was on the right track with equating the names of Job’s daughters with the Godhead but since I do not know the nuances of scripture as much as my teacher or my pastor, I had misinterpreted their names slightly.

Jemimah is day by day which implies endless daylight and endless life: God, the Father…He never sleeps nor slumbers (Psalm 121:4).

Keziah … this one I was spot on! Yeah me! God, the Son: his death was the sweet-smelling sacrifice God, the Father required for our sin and He is our Healer just as cassia was used as medicine. One of the Hebrew words her name is derived from means: "it is finished", the very words Jesus spoke on the Cross (John 19:30).

Keren-Happuch… the name that threw me for a loop because I couldn’t see any correlation between a horn of powdered makeup and a member of the Trinity, but the author of the study points out that the makeup is used to adorn and beautify just as the Holy Spirit does for us when we are saved and infilled by Him. He covers up our nasty parts so that when God, the Father looks upon us all He sees is His Son. From there, the Holy Spirit continues to work in our lives refining us, showing us the truth and helping us take on the actual attributes of Christ until we become new creatures in Him (Colossians 3:3 / John15:26 / 2 Corinthians 5:17). One interesting thing my pastor pointed out was that a life had to be sacrificed so you could have that horn to fill with what equates to ashes used for beauty... beauty for ashes, the promise God gives to those that mourn for Zion.

If you’ve read anything I have written in this blog before then you know I have struggled with God’s little pet name for me, Beautiful. This scripture also references the beauty of Job’s daughters. In fact, they were the most beautiful in all of Israel. If you know me well, then you know I struggle with feeling hidden and unnoticed, unimportant, left out…like no one really sees BUT God sees and just like Job’s daughters who were important enough to Job to leave a specific and equal inheritance to, I am that kind of important to my Father. He knows where I am always, and He isn’t hanging me out to dry or leaving me alone in the wilderness to fend for myself. Instead, He is taking His time to prepare for me a table before me in the presence of my enemy (Psalm 23:5) and announce me as His daughter and heir after which my enemy (satan) will understand that the battle over my life has already been won (I John 5:4); that I am submitted and he must flee from me (James 4:7).

When we come into a clear understanding that are battle is over and we are already set free, we then become free to help wage war on behalf of the lives of others. We are free to live fearlessly and walk into anything we are called, knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are already victorious, regardless of what our eyes see, and our hearts feel but we like God must sacrifice something precious: ourselves, our pride, our plans (Galatians 2:20 / Romans 8).

It’s so cool to me sometimes how God uses silly things to say, I love you.  I read this scripture and saw Job had three daughters. The number 3 is a repetitive theme in my life and just like that, Holy Spirit made this scripture jump off the page for me last Friday like it never had before to deliver a message specific for me, but I think if you really look, there is something there for you too: a promise. A promise to leave you better than He found you.

Rose colored glasses called, Grace...

What are those things that you fear?  Those things that keep you bound to where you are instead of where you want to be or where God wants you to be?  Is it your past?  Is it fear of the unknown, of the future, or a person or crowds or spiders?  Fear is like food: you need it to survive but it can make you sedentary if you get too much of it.  Fear serves a good, godly purpose when we aren’t using it or allowing it to be used as a weapon.  Most of our fears are unwarranted.  Quite simply derived from things we’ve blown out of proportion in our minds.  I am not saying phobias aren’t real, so let’s not get off base here.  I am saying that something bad happens to you; not tragic, bad and you begin to let it control how you think or feel about yourself and the others around you.  You lose your vulnerability and creativity and start building walls and chasms.

Satan controls most of us in this way.  It’s pretty bad for the ladies.  You are too fat or skinny or loud or quiet or too much to handle (this one likes me).  “You are too: are the worst three words in the English language.  I really dislike them because most of the time that thing you are too of is the very place your gift lies.  You are too friendly, too open and your gift is hospitality.  You are too loud or too aggressive but God designed you to be a leader.  You are too quiet or too boring and truly what you are is reliable and steady.  We need to see that too often this word proceeds a manipulation of the devil and quit giving it power over who we were created to be.

For everything I am, there is something that I am not but my combination is special, designed by an Almighty God that doesn’t make mistakes.  Break it down to its simplest form and again we see our own pride gets in the way.  We think we know more about ourselves than God the Creator.  We think He was wrong or made a mistake when He fashioned us in this manner.  We think that desire to be whatever it is He is calling you to, is some kind of lie or unachievable dream when in reality, we are only denying ourselves.

You want to live fearlessly? The very first step is acceptance of who God created you to be.  It is looking in the mirror and no matter what satan is telling you is staring back at you, trusting in God’s truth which is what is real.  Seeing the beauty He formed in you.  It is deciding to no longer believe the lie that you are worthless or too much this or that or not enough of whatever.  It is seeing yourself as you see pretty much every other person you know, through some rose colored glasses called, grace.

I am and will always be too loud.  I have wildly curly hair.  I can carry a tune but I am not a singer.  I love people so much my heart aches with it sometimes.  I can be cold and calculating.  I hate spiders even though I understand why they must live among us.  I will always be just a little bit chubby.  I have football player thighs and calves.  I have had two abortions and two children.  I like my nose.  I over feel things when it’s that time of the month.  I make mistakes and fall short. I am not afraid although maybe I should be, to yell at God when I am pissed.  I love my Bronco.  ALL of these small things add up to be the BIG sum of what makes me, me but none of it makes me less beautiful than God made me.

I don't need your approval...

Love is sort of a theme for me. I asked God to help me get better at giving it because most of us give love how we’d like to get it, as opposed to how the other person needs to receive it. I wanted to love more people and improve my delivery. I wanted to look past my opinions and judgments and see what He sees.

I devoured books on love for a few years. Put myself under a pastor; love is his very nature. Asked for His eyes and heart and then came to a very sobering realization: you can love someone perfectly and they might never love you back because love is a choice.

He loves all of us every day without fail. He doesn’t get a break when He sleeps. He can’t unplug for few days while on vacation.  He can’t run away or make it stop…and while I get He is God and probably doesn’t need all that, I now understand the toll it can to take to love someone who is resistant. He being God does this on a grand, global scale day in and day out and never fails because He is Love.

So how can we do what He does in our own lives without wanting to cut ourselves or punch a face or eventually run away in frustration and hide? We are only human. We have limits. How do we give ourselves away and not lose who we are? Remain vulnerable in the face of resistant, wounded people that spite us for trying? I have found that I must love people from a place that comes from Him not from me, as previously discussed BUT I have also found a deep abiding truth…

 I don’t need your approval to be who He created me to be. He made me the way I am to reach someone you can’t and vice versa.

When you love someone from a place that comes from inside of you, your expectation is that they will eventually love you back but when the love comes from place that is His, it can be better, bigger, whole because it isn’t limited to my abilities.

I must admit that I am quite sure I still have A LOT of room for improvement. I know that the people I trust most are those that have proven themselves to me, directly. BUT, I also recognize that I give away love much more freely nowadays than I used to, especially to those at my church. It is a special place and I have found I trust those people more readily who chose to stay and surrender themselves to Him in that place. I have a desire now to brighten someone’s day no matter how my heart feels. Bend in ways I didn’t before not because I couldn’t but because I was unwilling.

I am still careful not to reveal all of myself outside my circle of trust. Many people think they know me when, they haven’t even scratched the surface. Not sure whether that’s the right or wrong way but I am sure that when He asks, I will be willing to bare myself as needed.

I listened awhile back to a teaching, The 12 Proofs of Love:

1. Passion and/or desire to give.
2. Desire to protect.
3. Passion and/or desire to please.
4. Willingness to change and/or adapt.
5. Willingness to confront and preserve.
6. Willingness to listen.
7. Willingness to obey.
8. Ability to endure.
9. Inability to ignore.
10. Investment of time.
11. Pursuit.
12. Inability to betray.

He said (can’t remember who the dude was unfortunately) some enlightening things:

• Love is not understanding someone.
• Love is more than a feeling of desire.
• The Holy Spirit is the factory of love.
• Nobody loves all the time.

The one that struck home the most for me: what satan cannot stop, he accelerates so that you cannot enjoy the present because you are rushing around. Loving more proficiently means no rushing around. It means telling that person they can go in front of you (the Lord has to give me grace when I am driving). It means telling someone they look nice. It means holding a hand. It means a smile at stranger. It is a million little things that let the people around you, no matte where you are that you care about their happiness.

Anyway… I guess that answers the question, what would happen if you quit trying to save the world and just helped the person in front of you that was plaguing me yesterday.

Love transforms the spirit.

Saturday morning, I got up and a pesky little thought kept running through my mind: if the result of your love isn’t unity and community then it’s broken. I must admit that I don’t love everybody, and I don’t love all the time. In fact, I often find myself wanting to smack some of you but most importantly, some of the people I do love… unity and community is not the always outcome.

I thought about the different reasons for the different outcomes within my relationships. From my perspective, some are my fault, some are their fault and others the fault of circumstance. For instance, I used to love my ex-husband. I loved him even after our divorce. I loved him even after he remarried. I mean this is the father of my kids we are talking about it, after all, but the year our son graduated from high school, our daughter got married. Their father decided not to attend our son’s graduation dinner party and not pay for any portion of our daughter’s wedding. When I tried to appeal to him because both of his children were hurting, I was told to butt out as both of our children were now adults and he did not need my help communicating with either one of them. He has never been a man able to maintain putting our children’s needs above his own and I will admit that after he bullied our daughter because she would not allow him the honor of walking her down the aisle though he was contributing nothing to the wedding, I lost respect and lost love.

I have two sisters and I am sure they would both agree that I do not love them all the time. In fact, I have been mostly estranged from one of them for quite some time now.  We were closest when we were younger but as we grew into adulthood, something broke. Not sure how the fracture began but it grew into a fissure and then a hard break. I believe she would tell you that I do not love her which is not the case, I do very much. I know at this point, only God can provide the healing we need. The other has desired a closer relationship, but we have been unable to realize that goal. We are very different and yet come from a shared upbringing. We look very much alike, often being mistaken for twins but we don’t share much common ground. I also love her very much, but to like her, I had to learn to appreciate our differences, understanding God made her purposely. I have not always loved them like I should, when I should. We tend to overuse our relationships with family, believing them to be our relationships most capable of standing the test of time and taking the abuse… the whole blood is thicker than water mentality.

I have at times left a trail of tears in the wake of my love.

So how does my broken love get mended and molded into something that is bringing unity and creating community? Brings us straight back to asking the question what is love? I John 4 verses 8 and 16 tell us God is love and as discussed before the more in-depth description of how Love / God acts in in I Corinthians 13:4-8a: Love is large and incredibly patient. Love is gentle and consistently kind to all. It refuses to be jealous when blessing comes to someone else. Love does not brag about one’s achievements nor inflate its own importance. 5 Love does not traffic in shame and disrespect, nor selfishly seek its own honor. Love is not easily irritated or quick to take offense. 6 Love joyfully celebrates honesty and finds no delight in what is wrong. 7 Love is a safe place of shelter, for it never stops believing the best for others. Love never takes failure as defeat, for it never gives up. 8 Love never stops loving.

Verse 8 concludes with: Love remains long after words of knowledge are forgotten…which means to me at the end of everything, there is love. It was here before us and it will be here after you and I are gone. It is greater than us. It is bigger than us. Perfect love is beyond what we are in and of ourselves are capable of. It is something that needs to be practiced because it does not often come naturally.

In Aramaic, the first verse: love is patient can be translated into love transforms the spirit. What else on earth can transform us like love does? What we first must come to truly understand is that we are not capable of the kind of love that Christ is calling us to, the type that brings unity and builds community, without Him. The more I try to love the way that He loves, the better my love gets because it’s no longer just my love but rather mine transformed by His.

It allows me to love someone who has hurt me without requiring apology. It allows me to love someone who isn’t mature and regularly making mistakes. It allows me to find the best in every person. It helps me find hope in every situation. Nothing and no one are lost to His love. Not me. Not you. Not anyone. Unless of course, you are choosing to hide yourself from Him like Adam and Eve in the garden. Hiding is only an illusion though because He saw them, and He sees you. He is the Shepherd that leaves the ninety-nine for the one (Matthew 18:12). We can read the words and understand them but to comprehend we must first be loved (I John 4:19).

I know a man. He is a good man. He tries to be kind and helpful to everyone around him. His life has not been easy: given away as a baby, never adopted, raised in group homes. What he has endured would break many and yet he survived. He is good, but he doesn’t know how to accept love. He doesn’t know how to give love. He equates it only with a sexual, romantic type relationship. God chases him. Praying for him one evening, God showed me this man walking in the dark, then God shined His light down on this man so that he could see but the man stood, still in the darkness, refusing to open his eyes. He said, “I don’t know where to You want me to go?” God replied, you need only open your eyes as your path is illuminated” but he stood there, eyes shut, hands out trying to feel his way what was now only a perceived darkness.  I shared this with him. He believes he is looking for a woman when in fact, he is looking for the healing love that ONLY God can provide. It hurts me to watch him not allow himself to be truly loved but aren’t we all just a bit like that: eyes closed, afraid of opening them to the light of His love? We are more afraid of who He might ask us to love in return for the light than we are the darkness.

I love some well. Some better than others. When I analyze those relationships I am better at, it doesn’t simply come down to liking someone or understanding them but rather it is those that began from a place He created within me where my own judgments and opinions were not allowed to develop before His love for them was rooted in me. My prayer is that eventually my older relationships that are broken will eventually be renewed as I learn to more deliberate in how I love.

I told a friend who had asked me: how do I love without getting hurt all time; that I have found the key is to love through Him. I can love anyone He asked me to love because the love I am exuding is His and immeasurable. It is not so touchy and doesn’t mind being vulnerable. In fact, it sees vulnerability as strength. I am more particular with my own love; the love that is mine to give away. That love takes time to develop because it relies on trust and honesty and loyalty…plus a myriad of other things important to me for maintain a loving relationship but HIS LOVE is not reliant on ANYTHING BUT HIM. His love instantaneous, never fails and is everlasting, so I can give it away like candy…and so can you!

My love is broken. I drink tequila. I have tattoos.  I still use cuss words. I need to lose a few. My office is a messy. I want to smack the bumpers of people driving slower than me in the left-hand lane. I am in NO way perfect but grace brings me thankfully into a beautiful place where His perfect love can flow through me and be what He needs me to be for whomever is in need of His love regardless of color, gender, sexual preference, hairstyle, body-type, whether they drive on two wheels or four, etc. because LOVE TRANSFORMS THE SPIRIT and the first spirit it transforms in me.